Run 900 Report

LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARIERS HASH TRASH

Run 900: October 31, 2001 Catani Gardens, St.Kilda

Hare: The Boomerang (& Committee) .

 

This week I have decided to go on the front-foot, vis-à-vis the global forces of world counter-terrorism. Last week, you will recall, we attempted to keep under their guard by sending out the Trash in Ancient Babylonian, a venture that in itself caused uproar and mayhem. While few in the Hash could decipher it, the cryptologists in what remains of the Pentagon where right onto it. And, for the first time ever in years of sending insulting and foul-mouthed messages, I immediately got the following on the email:

The email you sent titled “Run 899” has been blocked. The Mail Server contains a screening device that checks for inappropriate material. It is possible your email contains words which may be considered profane or of a derogatory nature. Please check your email and resend.

 

So keeping a local profile doesn’t work – then, stuff the forces of world anti-terrorism.

Here – ‘Poo’. Cop that. ‘Poe-wee-bugger-bum-tit!’ Get that up ya.

Right. As to Wednesday night’s Halloween Run, a motley and underdressed collection of grizzled ghouls and drac Draculas assembled in the lee of a brisk evening southerly on the St.Kilda foreshore. They then ran round the streets chasing non-existent Hare, The Boomerang, who had attended as The Invisible Man. However, the pack only succeeded in frightening all the little kids who had come out for trick-or-treat back inside. Point Post scored the run a pass, noting that it blew a gale, had few false trails, and included lots of standing around. But Rugarse & Whinging Pom’s food scored high honours. The piece de resistance was a pudding in a pumpkin. Though Pointy gave it 95/ 102, in all truth this concoction was unclassifiable, tasting at once like a nutty, savoury, sweet, sour, gingery liquor. It could slot into the menu anywhere between the aperitifs and the after-dinner mints.

Then an old bloke who appeared to be resident in the park bench we had requisitioned was produced and announced as Gerbils’ Dad, Golden Hamster. The Boomerang reviewed the Ballarat Balls-Up, and used the following words to describe it – great, root, beer, cold, fun, spoons, dance… but not necessarily in that order. Barterbitch accused GG of getting the horn for Highly Infectious at the Balls-Up; a charge which GG more or less put his hands up to. Cheesecake missed out on nookie at Ballarat so in consolation Lounge Lizard awarded her a magnificent phallus in Port Phillip. Visitors and Virgins included Elizabeth and Like a Virgin. Too Dumb To Die charged Like-a with having the cheek to claim that Boomer looks like Cap’n Darling in Blackadder. TDTD had apparently not washed nor changed since the Balls-Up, so Gerbils got him for green-nosing and wearing his balls on his head.

Shunt returned Major Fuck-Up’s Shit-of-the Week award – used, so E & B awarded it right back to him. Shunt was getting around dressed like a ghost, which he soon will be as far as Melbourne Men are concerned after Monday night (See # Run 901 below). This necessitated him pouring fluids through a very small hole in a sheet, with much resultant staining, bringing to mind certain Orthodox Jewish martial practices. IBM noted that was rather insensitive also to the Aboriginal community, as he had walked onto a dreaming site dressed as the KKK. IBM got charged for the weather by The Boomerang. IBM also charged Lipstick for dancing dreadfully. IMB, IBM….just a minute – can you believe what he said to me this week?! IBM noted the extraordinary statistic that until my Babylonian Trash of last week, he had never attended Hash and not featured in the write-up. As you can imagine, I am devastated. I have been doing this for months now, and hadn’t the faintest idea that I hadn’t been leaving out IBM every week!

Janus has returned from Italy, having got The Italian Job from Deep Throat. DT’s libido knows no bounds. According to our sources they had a triste in Trieste, a fling in Florence and nookie in Naples. DT was positively begging to do my buck’s turn, reckoning that, well, if you want French, just give the lady French bubbly. It was all I could do to prevent her, through force of habit, from standing around on corners in Grey St during the run. She fair dinkum nearly hooked one poor bedraggled smack-ridden girl who ventured onto her patch.

Mummies’ charged Boomer as dressing as The Invisible Man, bringing to mind the story of the SuperHeroes Hash Balls-up, but whoops, we’ve run out of space…

On on,

Mummies’ Boy

 

UPCUMMING RUNS…

 

Run 901 November 5 MH3 Committee

Ashburton Park, High St,

Melbourne A.G.P.U. Ashburton, Melway: 60 F9.

See Shunt get run off the rails!

Run 902 November 7 Udder Idjit Basterfield Park,

Dane St, Moorabbin

Melway: 77, C7

Run 903 November 14 Prince Templestowe Hotel,

Parker St, Templestowe

Melway: 33, B4

UPCUMMING HASH EVENTS

 

Albury-Wodonga 1000th and Blue Moon Run.

 

Shelley Forestry Camp, Avendale Rd, Shelley via Murray Valley Highway, Nov 30 – Dec 2. $100 before Nov 1; $120 after it. BYO bedding. Contact Ian ‘Krunch-A’ Crellin (02) 6071-8577 or icc@albury.net.au

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