LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARIERS HASH TRASH
Run 907: December 12, 2001 Wallen Road Reserve BBQ area, Hawthorn
Hare: Cooch
Cooch tied the pack in knots on Run 907. A sharp on-back straight after the off in the Wallen Rd BBQ area, turned the pack around 180o. Then a goes-under loop with twist below the Swan St Bridge had the front-runners lagging and the stragglers miles in front. The next on-back maneuver looped around and resembled a clove hitch, with Point Post reportedly seeing himself crossing an overhead pedestrian bridge while walking under it. Some runners even arrived back at the venue before the off. After another hearty, spicy stew from E & B, the GM called upon Cheesecake, who had just wandered back from the direction of the ladies toilets after a lengthy tête-à-tête with Gerbils, to deliver us a History of Richmond.
Somewhat non-plussed, Cheesecake said she was hard put to remember much, but could recall that the famous inner-city AFL club was formed in 1885 when G.J. Hodge chaired a meeting of interested parties on February 20, 1885 at the Royal Hotel, Richmond. After a few brief nods of recognition from the pack, Cheesecake went on to relate how the first golden era at Tigerland came in the 1930s, with premiership teams coached by Checker Hughes, led by the legendary Jack Captain Blood Dyer, featuring stars such as Jack Skinny Titus, Perc Bentley and rangy forward, Graham Goalpost Shearn1 (see fig. 1), and following Big Jacks simple but effective football credo “Dont get where the ball aint.”
“Tell us something we dont know”!, cried out GG and Lethal, and so Cheesey nervously added that Punt Rd had to await the arrival of T-Shirt Tommy Hafey and 1967 before fame and fortune returned to Punt Rd. Based on a punishing regime of physical fitness and unswerving dedication to the long-kicking game, Tommy united old stagers such as Alan Bull Richardson, Roger the Dodger Dean and Paddy Guinane with modern up-and-comers like Bourke, Sheedy and Clay to lead the Tigers to four premierships. With temperamental but effective centreman, Bustling Billy Barrott2, pumping raking drop kicks into the 10-yard square, Richmond were unstoppable as Kevin Hungry Bartlett and John Swooper Northey converted the little that the incomparable Royce Hart3 failed to mark while floating across the front of the pack.
By now the circle was enthralled, entreating Cheesecake about Danny Spud Frawleys chances of ushering in a new golden age at Tigerland after many false dawns, when a most unexpected sally from a corporate river cruise took the pack by surprise. Immediately the Lakeside Bum Brigade rushed into the fray, feinting to the southeast to moon the river-borne revelers. This prompted a hasty retreat from the ferry while the desperate crew picked frantically at their belts. Fearing a counter-moon, the Lakeside buttock-battalion strategically retreated; only to advance to the rear as the ferry tried to pass once again. Assuming his beloved bent-over stance, IBM together with Point-post, Whippet and The Boomerang routed the corporate cruisers with a brilliantly timed exhibition of butt-hole baring.
In the interim, sundry absurd charges were levelled, and Mummies Boy was (when not careening uncontrollably off the grassy knoll) pressed into disciplining Shunt, IBM and Lipstick by thrashing their bent-over buttocks with the Hash Whip: Shunt for hiding in the circle rather than fronting up to the Govt-inquiry on train wheelchair fatalities, IBM for ruining his and MBs careers by sending outrageous porn pictures of bent-over nude fire-fighters over the internet; and Lipstick for getting her kicks out of driving around in the nude.
On on,
Mummies Boy
Footnotes:
1. By extraordinary coincidence, Goalpost Shearn played many a-time in the 30s against Lakesider Lethals Dad, – George Chapman -himself a member of the valiant 15-man St.Kilda team that overcame a bruising North Melbourne outfit in 1934. Further, Goalposts son Point-post now runs alongside George Chapmans son, Lethal Lee Chapman at Lakeside Hash. The avid football historian will of course also note that Tigers of the ilk of Bourke, Barrot, Clay and Sheedy frequently competed against the other Lethal Leigh Matthews of Hawthorn.
2. In one of the most lopsided player deals of all time, the brilliant Barrott was traded to St.Kilda in 1970 for Ian Stewart. His best now behind him, Barrot played but one half of a single game for the Saints before disappearing. Stewart went on to premiership success with Richmond in 1973 and immortality with a third Brownlow medal.
3. As Jack Dyer observed, Hart gave the word premature new meaning in 1970 with the publication of his autobiography The Royce Hart
Story – at the age of twenty.
UPCUMMING RUNS
Run 908 December 19 Rugarse Bellbird Picnic Area off Yarra Boulevard in
Yarra Bend Park. Melway: 45 A3/ 44 K3
Run 909 December 26 E & B Test Hash! BBQ behind Jolimont Station, after
the cricket for a short canter & drinks. Melway 2G-E5
Run 910 January 3, 2002 Deep Throat 2/ 78 Studley Park Rd, Kew. Melway: 2D- J 11
UPCUMMING HASH EVENTS
Kalgoorlie Boulder H3
1000th run on New Years Eve. Theme: Pimps and Pros. Also take in 1001st run with the theme of 1001 Arabian Knights. Register NOW; price goes up on December 10. Register early and often with shirt size.
Western Suburbs H3’s 21st Anniversary
2/2/2; Footscray Secondary College School Camp, 20 Napoleons St, Greendale; about ½-way between Melbourne & Ballarat. About 5km off the freeway and about 10km the Frankston side of Ballan.) Approx $75. Get in touch with BB.