Run 898 Report

LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS HASH TRASH

Run 898 25 June 2003

Venue: Plugger’s Building Site, Stokes Street, Port Melbourne (only 279 luxury apartments remaining, hurry hurry, prices available on request !)

Hare: Plugger

PAY YOUR SUBS OR LOTTSAFUN WILL SIT ON YOU – PAY YOUR SUBS OR LOTTSAF

Right – first of all let’s get this straight. I’m the occasional (that’s o.c.c.a.s.i.o.n.a.l) scribe so expect Gerbils or TDTD to collar you when you are drunk (like they did me at the AGM) to request services too during the cumming year. Bah ! Anyway the first run of the Year of the Gerbil (anno feltchimus) drew a select crowd to Plugger’s pied a terre (when they could find it as it was tucked away behind the vacant building site lots). Once inside we salivated over the kinky paintings including a spectacular one of the checking chicken we’d all really like to see running Lakeside. And then promptly at 6.45pm it was off ! Round and round the building sites the pack sped with not even a solitary wolf whistle heard from salivating builders towards a single one of the scantily clad nubile Lakeside harriettes that were disporting themselves. The trail let to the beach (ha ha, toxic dump more like !) before veering a sharp right at Rex’s fish and chips up the side of the light rail (presumably if they didn’t have to drive trams then the drivers could order a full strength rail ?). And that, dear reader, is where ToTo did an Italian Job on me. I must confess this is not quite what I’d hoped a ToTo “job” would be like but you can’t have everything in life. Italian hackles raised due to the fact I was overtaking her, a subtle and deft shove in the ribs meant I went A over T into a metal pole that completed the job by connecting with my left knee. I now have a spectacular “large cut of steak” bruise to show to everyone around said knee and the inability to walk. I thought the Irish kneecapped, not the Eye Ties ? I’m told the trail subsequently wended off left and through the Port / Gardenvale / South suburbs (a 3 postcodes trail as someone put it) and included a drinkstop too but I merely limped home to ice the ever swelling / throbbing organ (ToTo can do that to a man y’know). Once home Udder (who had “put his back out” but we don’t know quite how) and Mouth to Mouth were already champing at the bit, soon to be joined by a late arriving E&B, to be fed by serving wenches Linda and Roni. Why can’t we have them cooking / serving every week ? Top tucker, pleasing on the eye, and they hadn’t heard any of our jokes yet ! Anyway, once back, the rest of the pack devoured the 3 different lasagnes and 1 different kind of baked bean with a speed that saw Linda and Roni flee for their lives. Such sumptuous fare prompted Rolf Harris to observe she would never set a run again since her nosh would be a very poor second to this ! Sadly the beverage meister continues to be Janus – who had such a poor year last year that the has-been 2002/3 GM (whose name escapes me) didn’t even bother to recognise him at the AGM ! – and the usual selection of cheap exotic Dutch piss juxtaposed starkly with the magnificent repast served by Plugger’s nieces (can you believe someone, who shall remain nameless, really thought such Bottocelli-like cherubs were related to Plugger ?). Anyway, post tuckin, some twerp in the pack scored the run 8 out of 10 despite having a broken leg, Plugger drank, and then it was all on for young and jacksons – Drunken, Punch & Cockup (things have obviously changed since I went to kids seaside shows), Sailor, and A Dingo Ate My Lasagne were welcomed as visitors. Plugger drank again for 44 runs (or was it lasagnes ?), Gerbils and TDTD for discussing the manual of hash, Gerbils for being a palindrome, Whippet for micturating (impersonating an Irishman ?), M2M for getting lost despite possessing a cubscouts tenderfoot badge (or something, Udder can explain if you give 2 figs), and Klingon for his “chariots of fire” modifications to Alice’s vehicle to fend off blindside runners. Sailor got charged by a woman with several clashing shades of blonde in her hair for his Ma calling him after the rugby result at the weekend and saying “ha ! We beat you !”, and Mothball for fooling some chicks in Y&Js after the rugby that his accent was Welsh. Astro charged ToTo (yes the same one that is the hash bully) and Gerbils for swinging erotically on the run, and Whippet got charged for visiting a strip joint instead of watching the swinging porno show. Punch charged Sooty, and Lipstick is a dog, sorry had a charge about a dog. Lizard got charged for looking like a binman to Linda / Roni when he turned up (and frankly he smelled like one too). At this point the final of the mini muffins laid out for afters were devoured, we were told we’d had a fair go, and we revved up and pissed off only to have to do it all again next week in Richmond. Finally I’d just like to remind Lottsafun that I’ve paid me subs this year and still aint got a bloody receipt !! This wouldn’t have happened with last year’s committee ! On-On/IBM

UN WILL SIT ON YOU – PAY YOUR SUBS OR LOTTSAFUN WILL SIT ON YOU – PAY Y

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