VENUE: The Goat House, Elsternwick.

RETURNEES: Vivian, Peanuts, Spread On, Hooray C. O., Shu Shu.

What a great night for a run. It was Let Me Look’s virgin hare run and it was a great run.  We started off running through the outdoor dining room of the café over the road and then up past the ABC studio’s.  Trail then settled in to the local streets, including several back lanes and Harleston Park, where the kids slide amused a few hashers.  The On Backs and Checks kept the pack together right up to the drink stop in Hopetoun Gardens where the hare provided watermelon infused with Vodka, lollies, biscuits and Hash Splash in the rotunda. Even Drag On enjoyed the drink stop and was happily running around below, making friends with a doppelganger black and tan kelpie.  The run was not too long and perfect for the warm night and everyone got into the spirit of the circle, including Providence.  Just as Codpiece opened her mouth for the first charge – a nearby train loudly sounded it’s horn.

Well done Let Me Look and No Balls.

WALK REPORT:  By Cyclone Tracy           Scored 25/26

It was a magnificent walk with a big group. The first heart starter was Udder running across Glenhuntly Road to avoid the moving traffic and almost getting run over. It was really well marked and once off the main road it was mostly quiet suburban streets with many different styles of houses with beautiful gardens and plenty of stops for the walkers to stay together. There was a really good Drink Stop and then On Home where we passed the Posh Op Shop and the Psychic Universe.

RUN REPORT: By Old Boar                      Scored 22.5/26

It was a tricky Run; it was the Run of the Long Back; it was the Run of the Long Check, where it took ages of running around everywhere and searching for trail. Let Me Look lived up to her name and we looked for trail everywhere and as always we eventually found it. A great part of the run was the Drink Stop and then it was an easy stroll On Home down Glenhuntly Road.

GM Kokup’s CHARGES:

RETURNEES – Vivian, Peanuts, Spread On, Hooray C.O., & Shu Shu.

HARES – Let Me Look (Virgin hare) and No Balls.

• Let Me Look, Vivian & Cheesecake – No Hash Gear on the Run.
• No Balls – Turning honest hashers into SCB’s by calling back runners who were already on trail.
• Hooray C.O. – Self flagellation charge. Trying to get a bemused local teenage boy to join the run.
• Swingers – Can spell Alfa, but does not know the difference between a Ferrari and a Jaguar.
• Gargoyle – Wrongly blamed Drag On for chasing kids but it was her much heftier lookalike.
• Swingers – Found the first On Back mark, ran past it, got back on trail, but then ran the whole On Back.

SERGEANT Prickly Bush’s CHARGES:

• Lube Oil – Special Run. 300 Runs. Congratulations, you’re a Hasher through and through.
• Palindromes – Spread On 88 runs (two fat ladies), Vivian 11 (Legs 11).

CHARGES FROM THE FLOOR

• Lube Oil – Nicking into a shop on the Walk for some quick retail therapy.
• Codpiece & Udder Idjit – Orienteering charge. Continually referring to their maps. Codpiece admitted she could not read a map, but Udder wouldn’t and kept blaming Codpiece when they could not find trail.
• Kokup – Accused of editing the Hash Trash Report last week and cannot even spell Alfa.
• Peanuts – Her red face is because she ate a whole piece of vodka infused watermelon at the drink stop & when offered some juice at the bottom of the container – Yes, more please – and drank a whole glass full.
• Udder Idjit – Jaywalking, just missed being squashed in to the road by that car.
• Cyclone Tracy – Trying to take over the Sergeant’s job.
• Prince – The GM of Bike Hash. Train to Seaford was replaced with a bus on Sunday, so he then had to go home to get his car to transport his bike. He missed the start, but caught up.  He also had the beer, but could not find his car after the run, so the riders had to wait for a drink.
•  Udder Idjit – Inconsistency and a Julie Bishop charge. She said a bonking ban was stupid. Two days later after Malcolm introduced it she said it was a good idea. Udder idjit said the Bike Hash was too hard and he was too tired and he would enjoy playing tennis. When next met he said “Wasn’t that a lovely Bike Hash?
• No Balls – Another special run – 69 Runs.
• GG – Displaying his little map of Tassie. It looks like a little sporran.
• Prince – Looks like he’s been lying face down on a shag pile carpet.
• Prince – As GM of bike hash. It was the first time in his life that Udder Idjit has got a low profile charge.
• Prickly Bush – Too many Charges. Hash Trash had to begin writing on a third page for the 1^st time ever.
• Swingers – The reason that Prickly Bush couldn’t slide down the slide is that she’s too prickly.
• Let Me Look – An envious holiday itinerary as we’ll all soon be cold here in winter.
• Klingon – Cleaning up after his most faithful friend, Drag On, beyond the call of duty.

VENUE: Pavilion behind the Middle Park Bowls Club.

VISITORS: Springbok, Cheeky, Richard B.

RETURNEES: Cut loose, Astro, Deep Throat, Cod Piece, Old Boar, 3K9, E&B.

Getting to the run venue was the first challenge of the night. Swingers said it took him 1 1/2 hours to drive from Collins Street (must have included a few laps of the GP circuit in the Alpha (Alfa ?)).  The security fences, grandstands and buildings being erected for the Grand Prix blotted out the venue for those who came via Aughtie Drive and required superior navigation skills to find it.  On arrival, we found Cut Loose had added to the rustic atmosphere by arranging for a local ‘derro’ sleeping on one of the benches.

The next challenge was finding trail and it all came unstuck at the first check, but this did allow the late comers to catch up. This was followed by an attempt by the hare to lay trail on wet sand in gale force winds and within striking distance of swooping kite surfers, but only Klingon took the bait.

The last challenge was how were we going to eat all of that food? Cut Loose awaited with a gourmet dinner of curried chicken, meat & spinach terrines, two yummy vegetable frittatas and fresh garden salad, while E&B was helpfully slicing the French sticks. It was a delicious meal and was well worth the walk/run.

WALK REPORT:  By Colours                     Scored 20/23

I enjoyed the walk and we walked along past the beach in the blowing winds. We went through the streets and the underpass at Middle Park and headed right, along the path, but lost trail. The fencing which had been erected for the Grand Prix was very confusing and we lost our sense of direction and had to make a phone call to the Hare. Point Post and friend were heading off at a tangent across the park, so we called out to them to head for the Lake and eventually to the Drink Stop near the Carousel Restaurant. There was still some thirst quenching Hash Splash and watermelon. Thankfully a short walk On Home.

RUN REPORT: By Cheesecake                 Scored 21/23

Well, because I am the only trustworthy, completely responsible, honest adult person on the Run, I was given the sacred envelope with the secret map of the trail. This was only to be opened in a complete emergency when we’d run out of food and water and lost sight of trail. Well, that all happened at the first check.  With the help of the secret map we went on to Harold Street, finding trail and then down to the Beach and towards St Kilda.  There was an arrow off to the right indicating we had to run across to Williamstown, which Klingon decided to follow.  The trail meandered back through West St. Kilda and over to the Albert Park Lake area, where we found a couple of Checks. Cheeky, being new to the country, young and enthusiastic, ran around looking for two checks while the rest of us could not be bothered?  We followed trail through Albert Park and eventually to the Drink Stop at the Carousel with very nice watermelon and hash splash and then On Home.  Points were deducted for the flyaway flour.

GM’s CHARGES (& all down downs with bubbly arranged by the hares for Valentines Day)

RETURNEES, VISITORS & THE HARES – were all given a down down.

• Let Me Look – No Hash gear and wearing a Corporate suit in the Circle, but no hat or cigar.
• Deep Throat – 23^rd anniversary of joining Lakeside.
• Let Me Look – Wanted to run across the oval with the bare chested footballers she was ogling.
• Deep Throat & Point Post – First met at Hash on St. Valentines Day and it was love at first sight.
• Astro and Springbok – First met years ago in South Africa at the Jacaranda H3. So when Springbok spotted Astro tonight, she said “Darling, the children have missed you”.
• Klingon – Ran down the beach to the water trying to emulate a certain person who lived 2,000 years ago.
• Udder Idjit – Heading the Walkers off trail.
• Cod Piece – Lube Oil & Lubang Oz followed Cod Piece because she had a map.
• Richard B – Lives nearby, but his Mum had to visit from England & drag him along to Lakeside H3.
• Cheeky – Came to Lakeside on a date with her son on Valentine’s Day instead of Pointy.
• Cheeky – Has achieved Greatness. Her son is more than 12 yo and still does what his mother tells him.
• Kokup and Cheesecake – Both had a map, but still could not break the first Check.
• Springbok – Looks like she needs another drink.
• Cheeky and Richard B – Gullibility charge, for being really sweet and feeling sorry for the derro.
• Lube Oil – A great night for people who don’t drink beer.
• Klingon – Rebound. Lubang Oz & Lube Oil did make it to the drink stop.
• Prince – Testing out his poetic prowess on Hashers.
• Mother Brown – Hiding behind a giant mug, low profile.
• GG – Improving as an official watermelon dispenser and not as grumpy as last week. It was the hearts!

VENUE: BBQ’s in Alexandra Parade by the Yarra for Waitangi Day.

VISITORS: Lee and Anna

RETURNEES: Jack Off, his second Run, welcome back.

RUN REPORT:  By Klingon                        Scored 696/636

It was quite an unusual Run today, we went to the Morel Bridge and had an On Back. In fact after the Hare’s B.O.S. some wag had Immediately yelled out “Where’s the On Back?” We ran along to Punt Road then back along the other side of Alexandra Avenue, before heading up the hill to the back of the Botanic Gardens and eventually on to The Tan. There were a couple of places on the gravel where many joggers had virtually wiped out the arrows, but eventually it was found heading up to GG’s place. We passed through security outside the Bowl and them made our way through the Domain and up over Princes Bridge to the other side of the Yarra. Trail led along the riverside and back over the Swan Street bridge to the Drink Stop which was lovely and refreshing. Energised, we headed On Home where Point Post and Prince (who were wearing their black and white Kiwi warrior’s headbands) had prepared a special cold leg ham and gourmet salad in honour of our dear departed Runner, Sooty.

WALK REPORT: By Lubang Oz                 Scored 303/333

We went for a general walk along the muddy Yarra, setting out after the Runners and across the Morel Bridge to Batman Avenue and turned left, heading towards the CBD. The Hare’s pre-Run B.O.S. stated that there was no actual Walkers trail, Option 1 – go as far as Swan Street and cross over the bridge to the Drink Stop, or Option 2 – walk as far as Swanston Street Bridge. I led my entourage straight to Swanston Street, over Princes Bridge and down towards the river bank, past the rowing club, then past gardens on our right where someone pointed out a person lying on the grass, which turned out to be a couple canoodling. Well it was a hot night. Luckily there were several water bubblers along the way. Having crossed over Punt Road everybody picked up the pace, seeing Prince waving us towards his fantastic Drink Stop, of the most wonderfully refreshing slices of chilled watermelon – very economical on glasses. Perfect in 40 degree heat. Then set out for Home to finish our nice, gentle but longish 1 hour’s 4.4 km stroll.

GM’s CHARGES:

Lee and Anna – Virgin Runners, “Not just Visitors”, welcome to Lakeside.

(Prickly Bush had wanted to take them away with the welcoming song, we could try to learn the words to all sing along.)

RETURNEES – Jack Off

HARES – Prince and Point Post.

• Prince – Running us past girls sunbathing in their underwear along the river bank, and most of us are married men.
• Cyclone Tracy – Introduced to Cooch in the flesh. (Other than cooch grass or some apparition in Hawthorn).
• Jack Off – Not being diplomatic. An old hobo in the street told him that he’d have to run if he wanted to catch up with the old bloke in front, pointing to Kokup.

PRICKLY BUSH’s SERGEANT’s CHARGES:

Palindromes – Cyclone Tracy 141, Klingon 919, Drag On 252, Prince 636 and a special for GG – 1171

• Punch – Only a little devil, on 333 just half a devil.
• No Balls – Apologising for a gas smell coming from a nearby house, a false fart charge.
• Prince – From NZ, has used his Kiwi calculator. Having said the Run was 5km., it was more like 5 miles long.
• Mother Brown – Flirting with the lady security guard at the Myer Music Bowl.
• Cyclone Tracy – Rebound. Did not see the girls sunbaking in their underwear.
• Point Post & Prince – Kindness Award, great menu in honour of Sooty & adding chicken as an alternative.
• Cooch – Udder Idjit beat him home for the first time since records began in 1936.
• Let Me Look – Wearing high heels on the Run.
• Prince – When the Pack arrived On Site he wasn’t wearing Hash gear saying he’d be too hot.
• Quick Lay – Thank you for being stand in Grog Master & also pouring generous amounts of amber fluid.
• Quick Lay – At the start of the Run, some of us were on full trail & he was already crossing the road ahead, short cutting with the excuse he was one of the checking chickens, holding chalk, & had to mark the trail.
• Mother Brown – In the mood, wishful thinking out loud.
• Prickly Bush – Within earshot.
• Cooch – Pack was short of FRB’s and we got to a Check to find Cooch checking out a parked motor bike.
• Lubang Oz – Late back to the Circle, from where ever he’d been, to give his Walk Report.

HARES: Mother Brown and Prince

VENUE: Shelter at B. Ferdinando Gardens, Hampton

What a difference a few days make in Melbourne. Hashers arrived at the venue in tee shirts ready for the run, but within a few minutes, we all had windcheaters, rain jackets or anything else that would keep out the cold wind.  The temperature was only about 15 degrees and with the wind chill off the bay, it felt more like 10 degrees, but it was good for running.  The most important thing the hare said in his BOS was that there would be no drink stop on the Run and that it would be clockwise together with the usual explanation of trail markings.

Trail was a bit difficult to find as arrows were on any side of the paths or roads, on kerbs, behind trees, up alleys, often faint and varying distances apart. This led to the pack being in disarray and held up on several occasions and led to a gradual attrition of runners as the Run progressed.

Finally, four runners arrived home after 1.5 hours, having followed trail (well we think we did) and clocking up between 13.5km and 9.5km, depending on how many checks or on backs they were caught on.

Nosh was DIY rolls with ham and pulled chicken together with salads and condiments.

WALK REPORT: By Gargoyle                               Score: 1400/1429

Our live Hare set the trail for the Walkers, past the beach then into the suburban area where we saw beautiful houses, though the arrows were pretty sparsely laid just after where the Walker’s trail split from the Runners trail. We had turned in to a street and walked a long way in the same direction, crossing several roads and since there were few arrows, did quite a bit of searching. Lube Oil and Punch were eventually directed by Cheesecake, to follow her in the right direction and having reached a right turn where they found Cheesecake kindly waiting to point out an immediate left turn into the street across the road, then finally crossing the railway line and back towards the beach. It was a good Walk for a live Hare.

RUN REPORT: By Whippet                                  Score:  1299/1429

Setting out on trail the Runners ran along the beach, then turned onto the beach track and immediately began searching for arrows to the left and to the right. Arrows were hard to find and we eventually found trail crossing Beach Road. We then did a big loop around and eventually we all crossed South Road and kept going South. There were several checks where we lost trail, milled around and then found it again. There were more checks, including two back checks which took some time to break and one was down by the water. It was like doing a good old fashioned Run from the good old days.

GM’s CHARGES:

HARES: Mother Brown and Prince

RETURNEES: Colours, Botak Chin, Cheesecake, Simon & Gerbils.

• Cheesecake – Last seen at a run 3 weeks ago heading up Malvern Road to buy some shoes. Missed out on dinner and still does not have new shoes.
• Colours – Powerless. Electricity is off at home, so she came to Hash for a hot meal.

Sergeant:

Palindromes: Lube Oil, 292, Mother Brown 33, Udder Idjit 585 from last Friday’s Australia Day Run.

• Just because I can: Point Post on 1033 Runs

Charges from the Floor:

• Mother Brown – Size really does matter. Arrows were small and hard to find.
• Gerbils, Cheesecake – No Hash gear.
• Simon – The last two times he came to Hash with Swingers, there was little trail to find and tonight he did all of the Run checks and ended up running 13.5 Km. What a man.
• Prince – Spending hours and hours going as far back as the hieroglyphics to find out when several Runners began Running with Lakeside, or how many Runs they had done before coming back from the dead to run with Lakeside, including how many Runs Udder had done.
• Udder Idjit – For suggesting Prince had made inaccurate calculations. Udder knows because he is an accountant and everyone knows you can trust an accountant.
• Gargoyle – Having given Klingon a new lead for Drag On, he’s unhappy because it is too long and stretchy so is dangerous because people will trip over it.
• Klingon – Ungrateful. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
• Cheesecake – Having run round to South Road and at about the 5km mark, said “It has to be this way because there’s nowhere else to go.”
• Gerbils – Not signing The Book.
• Mother Brown – Asking everyone “What did you think of the Run?”
• Prince – Also counted Whippet’s past number of Runs when he returned to Lakeside.
• Swingers – The first Runner to drop out at South Road.
• Kokup – For listening to anything that Cheesecake has to say.

The Australia Day run and get together of all the Melbourne Hash’s was a successful day with about 60 hashers turning up. Lakeside was well represented by 15 hashers and it was good to catch up with some of our like minded ‘peers’.  Although it was only about 30 degrees, the humidity was extremely high, making it feel much hotter and also making for a very sweaty run.  Adolph (GM MH3) was the hare and he kept the run to 7km, but it was one of those runs where you felt you were always running up hill and never down.  There was a good drink stop set up by Pol Pot outside the cemetery followed by a great BBQ lunch, financed by proceeds from the Nash Hash Chunder (pre-lube).

Our thanks to Bionic (ex GM MH3), who organised the day, and it was agreed by all the other GM’s that we should do it again next year.

RUN 1827 REPORT

HARES: Lube Oil and Lubang Oz

VENUE: Elgin Inn, Hawthorn

The northern chapter of Lakeside H3 gathered at the Elgin Inn for our first pub run for the year. The hare gave the usual explanation outside and we were off.

The trail allowed runners to break away and spread out the pack, but carefully placed on backs and some tricky checks pulled the pack back together to near the end. Walkers joined the runners briefly at the top end of Elgin Street, but the runners deviated down a familiar back lane and through several parks to get home.

There was some pre-run speculation about where the run might go, but it did not cross last weeks run and although the territory was familiar, it was well set and not easily predicted – right to the end.

WALK REPORT: By Mothball                               Score: 1400/1485

The walk set off up Burwood Road then deviated through a park to Glenferrie Oval where there were lots of budding footballers playing and training. The trail was well marked and with very precise arrows, but there was no on back marked in the dead end alley (the hare’s defence was “Where else would you go?”).  All three walkers kept together and beat the runners home, so it was a very good walk.

RUN REPORT: By No Balls                                    Score:  1482/1485

It was a very enjoyable run passing through the streets and parks of Hawthorn including Glenferrie Oval where there were lots of fellas in sexy shorts. The trail went most of the way around the oval, including a small deviation past the swimming pool, then through the underpass and up through the old Swinburne Higher Institute of Technology (SHIT).  It the meandered through the streets, parks and reserves up to Barkers Road and similarly back home.  There were lots of ‘grassy trees’ and plenty of parks and the timing was good with the walkers.

GM’s CHARGES:

HARES: Lube Oil & Lubang Oz

VISITORS: Jack Off (Saigon H3).

RETURNEES: Mothball, Cyclone Tracy, Whippet, No Balls & Mother Brown.

Palindromes: No Balls on 66.

Charges from the Floor:

• Prince – Calling a Hash Halt that was not there.
• Lubang Oz – No drinkstop on the run, despite the trail going right past his garage door.
• Quicklay – Nepotism (or lack of it?). Let Me Look was not here.
• Canny & 3 Speed – Flying to Japan to ski in the midst of erupting volcanoes, earthquakes, pestilence etc.
• Klingon – Mr Intermittent Hash. Someone on the tram tonight saw Whippet’s hash shirt for a Brussels run years ago and he was there and remembered Klingon.
• Cyclone Tracy – Saw the ghost of Cooch on his bike before the run (not a bad feat from Japan).
• No Balls – Wants to be a Madame. Practised collection of ‘fees’ for her girls from the Leopard skin chaise.
• GG – Only one to get sick in the last two weeks and even the bartender knows the story.
• Mother Brown – Dragging his feet and wandering off to the bar when his meal was on the table.
• Quicklay – Also letting his meal go cold.
• GM – Not charging Dragon (or his lookalike) for 250 runs.
• Klingon – Thinks Dragon is a Lakeside hasher when she actually drags a Lakeside hasher around the runs.

VENUE: Hawthorn

As we have come to expect, a large pack gathered at the Unit in anticipation of a good run and of course, good food. The hare gave a long dissertation about the run, trail marks etc, including lack of trail for the walkers when they separate.  He emphasized the possibility of 360 degree checks and assured us there were plenty of arrows.

The on backs and checks kept the pack, including the walkers, together until Burnley Park where no-one actually found the correct trail from the check. However, trail was found and we headed north.  The well set on backs and tricky checks allowed the pack to bunch up again, so that at Barkers Road the last runner became the FRB.  Then it was back down along the river, through various parks and to the drink stop.

Nosh was lovely curried prawns and curried fish followed by jellied rambutans and was a change from the usual faire.

WALK REPORT: By Astro                                      Score: 580/584

What age does dementia set in? We were going along the walk to Riversdale road, on to Fairfield Park, past Leonda, then over the Swan Street Bridge and down to Burnley Park and up to Burwood Road. That’s where the Walkers and the Runners separated and Flora gave Astro the map which directed the walkers to Denham Street. The problem was that Denham Street was not marked on the map. NickelB had said that the arrows would be few and far between on the walker’s trail so we crossed Burwood road and finally found the Hare and a welcoming drink stop hidden amongst the shrubbery in Morang Road Reserve.  A welcome and very good drink stop and a very good Walk.

RUN REPORT: By Udder Idjit                                Score:  300/584

Udder actually did the Run. 2 Bottoms and Swingers did not believe we could do all of the Run. It was brilliant, past all these lovely big houses and how can I afford one of those on my Centre Link pension? We went along the Yarra with lots of on backs on the way. Big Ears solved every Check, ran every on back and did over 12 km, so well done to him – he’s a national treasure – to keep looking for arrows and breaking the Checks.  The drink stop was a welcome sight.

GM’s CHARGES:

HARES: NickelB & Lotsafun

VISITORS: Kung Poo & Pussy Lane from Townsville, Canny & 3 Speed (Full Moon H3) & Pol Pot (MH3).

RETURNEES: Prickly Bush, Deeper, Libido, Spread On, Big Ears, Cut Loose and Astro.

• Udder Idjit: Realised he won’t make the Australian Open, so he is again running with Lakeside.
• Libido: First actual RUN with Lakeside, despite many cameo appearances in the past.

Sergeant:

• Palindromes – Gargoyle 181, Let Me Look 22, Lotsafun 676, Kokup 343, NickelB 686 and a special charge for Swingers on 123.
• Udder Idjit: Writing his run number in French letters in the book.
• NickelB – Multiple drink stops (bubblers) on the Run with one real Drink Stop.
• Big Ears – Wasting beer, spillage at the drink stop.
• Swingers – 62 tomorrow, happy birthday. HBFU.

Charges from the Floor:

• Big Ears – Went on a 2 week cruise, but is still single.
• NickelB – Might have been multiple drink stops, but only one real one.
• GG, taken by Shu Shu – overdue, uncollected $10 footy tipping prize.
• Klingon – Has not paid out all of the footy tipping prizes for 2017.
• 2 Bottoms – Wearing a GG Tee shirt.
• Pol Pot – Representing GG who has had diarrhoea all week.
• Lube Oil – Came to this Run last week.
• Lubang Oz – Also came to this Run last week, but tried to blame Lube Oil.
• NickelB – Hiding an ON Back behind a crowd of people.
• Vivienne, Shu Shu, Spread On, 3 Speed and Let Me Look – No Hash gear.
• Gargoyle – New shoes.
• Kung Poo – Wanted to come to Hash in Melbourne, but had been misled by news reports of African gangs, so he emailed Swingers and asked if it was safe to travel on the trams and buses here in Melbourne.
• Swingers – Un-hashman like behaviour. Stationary checking at the top of the steps at Barkers Road.
• Big Ears & Klingon – Admiring others’ running shoes.
• Big Ears – Beautifully coiffed hair and a beaut head job.
• Udder Idjit & Cut Loose – Not believing that Big Ears picked up on his cruise.
• NickelB – Reluctant to open up another bottle for the Down Downs.

VENUE: Victoria Gardens, High Street, Prahran

The pack gathered in the pergola at the High Street end and there was an elderly citizens meeting being conducted in a foreign language at the other end. Despite our invitation to join the run, they dispersed and shuffled off home.

A park user then started talking to Kokup from across a garden bed near the pergola. Kokup could not hear him and asked him to speak up.  Kokup still could not hear, so he walked across the garden bed to get a little closer and the guy said, “I just wanted to ask you to ask the person in the pink socks not to walk on the garden beds, but now it really doesn’t matter”.

The hare gave the BOS with a hint about the run referring to a huge estate in Toorak and told us the trail was marked in Penang markings (similar to LH3) and the walk was marked in yellow chalk after the split. Then it was on on out the bottom end of the gardens. The pack was soon split and towards the end, several runners lost trail, not picking up a strange ‘around the corner’ arrow.

Nosh was chicken drumsticks and saffron noodles with coriander and a beautiful homemade chile sauce.

Before circle, a Dragon lookalike terrorised our young visitor Diplomatic Cucumber, but he survived. Diplomatic Cucumber was named when, as a toddler, the Saudi Hash were attending a movie night out in the desert near Riyadh, which was also attended by the Ambassador for New Zealand and his wife. During dinner the child smiled at the ambassador’s wife, she smiled back and he grabbed a cucumber off her table and ran away with it.  She went ballistic and all hell broke loose and she raved about the cucumber having diplomatic immunity.  She chased him, chastised him, retrieved her cucumber and angrily went back to her seat, which, since she was an honoured guest was a large rug, which had been laid out on the bare desert sands.  We still don’t know why she wanted the cucumber so badly.

WALK REPORT: By Udder Idjit                             Score: 489/583

Great Walk if you like that sort of thing. We walked the runners trail to Como Park, but by then the dogs were getting thirsty (being from the Mornington Peninsula, they don’t drink from the Yarra).  There was no drink stop and a paucity of yellow chalk arrows for the Walkers to follow, so we followed the white arrows home.  It was a great run and scored accordingly.

RUN REPORT: By POG                                          Score:  400/583

This was like an old school Run with marks at every 400 metres or so. But to be fair, the arrows generally pointed in the same direction as the trail. However, some arrows which were slightly curved unfortunately did not always mean to turn the corner, they had merely been drawn just a bit bent. Confusing?  We ran through the streets leading to Toorak Library, crossed over Toorak Road, up the road and then down the lane which had a long narrow steep descent of steps all the way down to the Yarra River.  Trail followed the river then around Toorak and the big house and back into some familiar territory at Brookville Gardens, over the railway pedestrian bridge and back home.

The Run was about 9.3km, some of the arrows were marked a long way apart and some of the Checks were predictable, but overall it was a good run.

CHARGES:

HARES: Botak Chin & Bollywood

VISITORS: Right Way Rubber, Pantilever, Diplomatic Cucumber & And And from Saudi hash.

RETURNEES: Colours, Cheesecake (lookalike Old Boar), Sunny, Botak Chin, Bollywood, Rigby & Punch.

• Cheesecake – Taken by Old Boar for making it back to the Park, but somehow missing dinner and the circle.
• Udder Idjit – His correct Run number is 583. It’s not a prime number, but is it the cubed root of 6,960?

MUG OF THE WEEK AWARD:  Udder Idjit who can now sign ‘The Book’ with his correct Run number.

Charges from the Floor:

• Prince: Spent the whole weekend searching through the old Hash Books to count Udder Idjit’s runs.
• POG – Campaigning for next GM by writing his name over every check on the trail.
• Shu Shu and Sunny – Happy Birthday to both of you young ladies during this past week.
• POG, Quick Lay, Shu Shu & Sunny, Botak Chin & Bollywood – Trail went right past all 3 of their homes, but there was no Drink Stop for all of us very thirsty Runners and Walkers.
• Cheesecake (Old Boar again) – Runners lost trail and Cheesecake appeared in the distance, coming from the opposite direction, but refused to join the runners to run home because she wanted to go shoe shopping.
• Quick Lay – Upset one of the locals, “The bloke in the pink socks walked all over the garden beds!”
• Kokup – For walking on the garden beds to hear what the guy was saying.
• Pog & GG – Gave Bollywood a cold frozen neck and she could not look down to cook the noodles.
• Botak Chin, Point Post, Prince & Old Boar – All the Kiwi’s charged for alleged undiplomatic behaviour by a former NZ Ambassador’s wife.

HARES: Addon & Klingon

VENUE: Downtown St Kilda.

The conditions were perfect for hashing as the pack gathered at Mitford Street. Seven visiting hashers from Geneva H3 and one from New Moon H3 descended upon us boosting the pack size to 38.  Klingon pointed out that the run took in many local sights and challenged the Engineers to pick out the retarding basin.  He then explained the trail markings, much to the amazement of the Geneva crew, who had never seen a stamper before and never use chalk.  They use a tennis ball dipped in flour – saves them bending over.

The run used bits and pieces of previous Klingon runs, but there were not a lot of checks so the pack spread out a bit. It did take in most of the local sights and although it was familiar territory, it was an enjoyable run, despite the pace being a bit faster than usual and the run being almost 10km.

We gathered back home under the weeping tree of knowledge in the front yard and almost emptied the eskies in the first round of drinks. The grogmaster was half a step ahead and had reinforcements, but even he could not have anticipated the size or thirst of the pack and another slab was hastily purchased.  The hare then adopted the generally accepted theory that hashers are not particularly bright and explained in detail how to construct a Vietnamese roll.  Nosh was the traditional pulled pork/chicken with all the ingredients for Vietnamese rolls.  There was plenty of it and as usual, it was delicious.

With the large pack, Udder Idjit ‘volunteered’ to be acting Sergeant (thanks Udder) and a robust circle was held under the tree. The LH3 song was then sung with gusto, but it took the first verse before the Geneva hashers realised the GM was not doing a strip tease or being rude and turning his back on them, but displaying the words of our song on the back of his shirt.

And for those that are interested, the retarding basis is the golf course and Elsternwick Park.

WALK REPORT: By Peanuts                     Scored 9.5/13

The walk went through the most salubrious parts of Melbourne, bias intended. These included Blessington Botanical Gardens, Elwood canal – with three yellow bikes in it, along the foreshore and beach and past St Kilda marina.  There was no drink stop, so the walkers then came home.

RUN REPORT:  By Let Me Look                Scored 9.75/13

The run followed a tortuous route through the Botanical Gardens, followed several streets and emerged at Elwood Canal. It then criss crossed and followed the Canal which included several fence crossings, up to the Golf Course, passing around the fairways and out to Elsternwick Park via the concrete culvert – or another fence.  The pack was spreading out by the time the FRB’s reached Elsternwick Park, where they also caught up with the walkers.  A few more checks or on backs might have helped.  Trail then went through Elwood Park, followed the beach to a Hash Halt at Point Ormond and then past St Kilda marina to home.  There was no drink stop, but the pack posed for a group photo at Point Ormond with clear views of the city and through to Mt Macedon.  It was a very enjoyable run.

CHARGES:

HARES: Addon & Klingon.

VISITORS: Half of the Geneva H3 including Trisexual, Sherlock, Jack the Whipper, Tarte Citron, Bravefart, Jack Rabbit and In Tent Sex, plus Ah Sole from New Moon H3.

RETURNEES – 2 Bottoms, Let Me Look & Lube Oil.

• Tarte Citron: At the check before the Golf Course saw a runner cross the oval and said “He’s not one of us – his shorts are too long”, but it was actually 2 Bottoms disguised in a black GG tee shirt.
• 2 Bottoms: The runner across the oval who needs to buy shorter/sexier shorts.
• Lotsafun: Did not run through the golf course and missed the opportunity to add to her golf ball collection.
• Whippet: Did not go through the culvert at the golf course as he would have had an unfair advantage, being able to just run through.

Volunteer Sergeant – Udder Idjit

• Kokup: Udder did not volunteer and was drafted under duress.
• E&B: Chaining her bike to the only tree and taking up most of the front yard.
• Geneva H3: A BBC report today (and ABC) made it official that Geneva is the most boring city in the world.
• Trisexual & Jack the Whipper: Live in Albert Park and have not previously been to a LH3 run.
• Point Post as Cyclone Tracy lookalike: Asked Udder what he thought the weather was going to be like on Saturday.  If the BoM don’t know……..especially when the forecast is for 41^oC +.
• Old Boar: Not the Hawaiian shirt!

Charges from the Floor:

• Udder & 2 Bottoms: Wearing GG tee shirts, believing GG was so crook last week, it must be a memorial run.
• Klingon: Yellow bike hanging in the porch and another stolen – but they are really shit bikes.
• Let Me Look: Led E&B along a dangerous channel bank with a shear drop into a drain.  Did not see the nearby hole in the fence.
• 2 Bottoms: Wearing a GG 1,000 runs tee shirt.
• Trisexual: Can leave the car and just walk home.
• Quicklay: Everyone knows the red ones are always fastest, but red socks did not stop Quicklay being a long last to Point Ormond after previously leading the pack.
• Kokup: Colour blind.  Quicklay’s socks were hot pink, not red.

VENUE: The Flat in St Kilda.

Another hot run with the temperature in the mid thirties, but again a fairly large pack for the last run of the year. The hare was not giving much away, except that it was not a long run and there was a drink stop.  After the backpackers invasion of St Kilda beach during the week, there was some speculation about where the trail might go.

The hare managed to include the beach, with the welcome breeze, while staying away from the crowds and then run through some back streets and back through the parklands for a run of about 6 km. There were plenty of checks and on backs which kept the pack together right through to the drink stop, except for Quicklay who somehow became ‘lost’.  The drink stop was refreshing with special St Kilda water being served as a result of the alcohol ban and of course there was the cobb loaf and spinach dip.

Back home, the pool awaited and there were a few hashers keen to cool off, but the alcohol ban in the pool area, kept the rest away. Nosh was corned beef (which the hare stated had been certified by all of the relevant Clerics), sausages, ham and eggs with salads.  The hot English mustard made another appearance for the die hards.

The pack was starting to get restless after nosh and broke into the LH3 song sung before circle in the hope of getting away earlier. It didn’t work, but a few did manage to sneak away early.

WALK REPORT: By Lubang Oz                 Scored 200/350

Apparently the walk mostly followed the run trail and Lubang unsuccessfully tried to defer to the run report. He had a good time on the walk, but found it a little long.  However, the walkers did very well following the runners and all of the checks had been broken in advance by the runners.  All walkers found the drink stop and it was very enjoyable.

RUN REPORT:  By Cooch                          Scored 301/350

It was a great run for a hot day – not too long and everyone enjoyed themselves. Trail predictably took in the boardwalk and then went along the beach, but it was unpredictable in that it could have gone left or right at many locations.  There was a really good ‘teardrop’ section of trail in Albert Park which closed up the pack considerably.  The drink stop was perfect for the conditions and somehow Cheesecake jumped ship from the runners and managed to get there ahead of the running pack. The On Home was clearly defined, but some hashers never follow instructions and Prince went off another way with Swingers.  Overall very impressive and a very nice run.

CHARGES:

HARES: Gargoyle and Udder Idjit.

VISITORS: Narelle (Cut Loose as a lookalike).

RETURNEES – Colours (Cheesecake as a lookalike), Pegmatite, Lubang Oz, Lethal & Prince.

Palindromic Runs –   Lubang Oz on 383 and Cut Loose on 252.

• Prince, Swingers & Udder Idjit: Shortcut home from the drink stop despite a well marked On Home trail.
• Udder Idjit: Council had cleaned up the beach, but the hare took trail past all the smelly bins in St Kilda.
• Pegmatite as a stand in for the Lady on the Boardwalk: Overheard telling her toddler “they are very, very fit people”.  She should not be telling little kids such monstrous fibs.
• Peanuts as a stand in for Cyclone Tracy: She has got the Clockwise / Anti-clockwise directions right, but now needs to concentrate on Left and Right.
• Cooch as stand in for Tahlia: Mesmerising a Rainbow Lorikeet which hung upside down on a power cable for a chat.
• Swingers as a lookalike for Quicklay: For getting lost and not finding the drink stop.

Charges from the Floor:

• Gargoyle: For washing dishes in the Circle.  Astro has not seen such a thing in 45 years of hashing.
• Astro: Only had one job to do for Christmas Dinner and that was pick up the gas for the BBQ.  Guess what – he forgot!
• Udder Idjit: Insisted on Gargoyle doing the washing up.
• Lethal: Low profile.
• Lubang Oz: The long walk must have knocked him out and he was sitting in the circle.
• Gargoyle: Serving Claytons drinks at the drink stop.