Lakeside Hash House Harriers The drinking club with a running problem
LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS COMMITTEE 2012-2013
Grand Master: Pauline “It Wasn’t Me” Middelveld Religious Adviser: John “Klingon” Perkins Hash Cash: Simon “Lubang Oz” Wreford Grog Master: John “Klingon” Perkins Checking Chicken: David “Udder Idjit” Cheeseman Sgt@Arms: Barry “GG” Kerr; Soc Sec: Linda “Cyclone Tracy” Anderson-Berry On Sec: Andrew “Shitoffashovel” Middleton Hash Haberdash: Lorraine “Egg and Bacon Pie” Gierck Hare Raiser: Nick “Nickle B” Leicester Hash Flash: Mark “Ambidexterous Hand Job” Kalic Web Master: Stuart “Flem” Smith
Run 1502, 20 Jun 2012 Hare: Cheesecake & Colours Venue: McKinnon Hotel cnr McKinnon and Jasper Rd
The run wasn’t that interesting, so I’m not writing about it. AGM and the Great Trouser Outrage LubangOz has new yellow trousers and there’s been a spike in retinal damaged hashers. Only safe way to view said trousers is from the moon with a pinhole projector. Someone over-indulged on irradiated bananas, had a chunder and then thought the resulting texture and colouration would be a terrific design for some hash pants. If only they could find someone to buy them. Some dodgy daks retailer really saw Lubang coming and off-loaded the pants. Probably saw him going too! Back to the McKinnon pub: Like the gynophobic Melbourne Mens Hash, McKinnon front bar is a chick-free zone. But it does have sticky carpet, pool table, Terang Trots, Dapto Dogs, TAB quaddies, men in flouro. And a great menu – steak and chips, parma and chips, fish and chips, sausages and chips, schnitzel and chips. At the pub, in a quiet corner, Udder, who did the whole run, was texting SOAS with advice on adjusting to the feather-duster-hood wherein “no-one will ever listen to anything you say now that you’re not GM anymore”. Udder should know. Young Normie is rising 3 years old. At this age he needs to learn how to dress himself properly and he’s on the lookout for a mentor (not being LubangOz). So Normie watched keenly as GG limbered up for his first outing as Sergeant. GG, wearing a hat and standing in centre horseshoe, placed another hat, his sergeant’s hat, upon his other hat, upon his head. GG looked like a cross between a pancake stack and a Maccas Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. “Right” thought Young Normie to himself, “so that’s how you’re supposed to do it”. Whereupon he imprinted the 2 hatted head image into his young memory bank where it could be retrieved for the next 90-100 years. GG insisted we form a horseshoe because he’s elipsaphobic. He doesn’t like anyone standing behind him. (But isn’t that precisely what Melbourne Mens hashers do like??). Who killed JR? Does the fridge light stay on when you close the fridge door? How did Udder, who did the whole run, finish it in 45 minutes and everyone else took 90 minutes? There were whispers about performance enhancing drugs but how could the performance enhancement be so precisely targetted to the run only? What drug could keep his other performances so very unenhanced? Udder, who did the whole run, rated it as10/1502 because he reckons that Ormond and McKinnon are really boring suburbs. They don’t provide that frisson of excitment and intellectual stimulation that Udder likes in a suburb.. At weekends, Udder who did the whole run, will don his black skivvy and trot off to poetry readings, discuss the merits of Ginsberg and Kerouac, catch a modern dance performance, or perhaps pop into a gallery. This is why Udder and Gargoyle live in Mt Martha, the “city that never sleeps”. Certain people, Lotsa Fun and Udder who did the whole run, complained that the 12.6 km run was too long. Cheesecake wanted to set a 6.3 km run in Ormond and Colours wanted a 6.3 km run in McKinnon, and like women everywhere they couldn’t agree, (MH3 are so right!) so they each set separate runs. So blame her! Charges IWM – an inaugural charge for her inauguration as GM and for causing earthquake Cheesecake and Colours for being outstanding hares Dimas, LubOil’s grandson, for being a visitor Pog for being a returnee IWM and LubangOz for having palandromic runs, 212 and 181 respectfully LubangOz for having 181 runs, the metric version of which is 69. Udder, who did the whole run, for shortcutting NIckelB for not showing commonsense LubangOz for abandoning Dimas PointPost for buying a house big enough for hash in his 4 car garage Chrome Dome and Whopping Boy for not going outside McKinnon pub Pog for doing all the on backs, checks, calling on – doing all the right things! Gargoyle, Klingon and GG cos they hadn’t had a drink. Klingon should have got a low profile but he was devastated following this week’s High Court constitutional decision which means he’ll never get his dream job as a school chaplain.
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