Run 1511 Report

Lakeside Hash House Harriers The drinking club with a running problem

LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS COMMITTEE 2012-2013

Grand Master:  Pauline “It Wasn’t Me” Middelveld Religious Adviser:  John “Klingon” Perkins Hash Cash: Simon “Lubang Oz” Wreford Grog Master: John “Klingon” Perkins Checking Chicken: David “Udder Idjit” Cheeseman Sgt@Arms:  Barry “GG” Kerr; Soc Sec: Linda  “Cyclone Tracy” Anderson-Berry On Sec:  Andrew “Shitoffashovel” Middleton Hash Haberdash: Lorraine “Egg and Bacon Pie” Gierck Hare Raiser: Nick “Nickle B” Leicester Hash Flash: Mark “Ambidexterous Hand Job” Kalic Web Master:  Stuart “Flem” Smith

Run 1511, 22 August 2012 Hare: Mummy’s Boy Venue: Limerick Castle Hotel, cnr Errol and Arden Sts, North Melbourne

This week we ventured to the wilds of North Melbourne at the Limerick Castle Hotel in Errol Street. As I walked through the door into the public bar area it was immediately obvious why Mummy’s boy had selected the venue. The beer was icy cold, the food was 50% cheaper than most of the previous pub venues and the barmaid was a stunner. We had been consigned to a back room near the kitchen where Mummy’s boy was looking at old Lakeside photo albums from 1997. I didn’t run with Lakeside in 1997 and hardly recognised anyone from the album. Most of the Lakeside hashmen have changed to the point that you wouldn’t recognise them from 15 year old mug shots. Of particular note was Udder Idjit who, short of a school cap and satchel, looked like he had just arrived from Melbourne Grammar. The only easily recognisable person was Klingon who either dies his hair or comes to the hash every week via a wormhole from 1997, fresh from an intergalactic battle with the Starship Enterprise… or perhaps he is LH3’s Benjamin Button.

By 6.45 pm there were approximately 25 runners and it was time to go. There was no sign of the GM  or the Webmaster who every week seem to skilfully avoid getting sweaty with the rest of us. GG officiated and then Mummy’s boy mumbled something about stuffing up the run. Apparently the tin on a stick device he use to set it had been in his shed since the schoolboy photos were taken in 1997 and the remaining flour in it resembled the steaming  dog turd just outside the door of the Limerick hotel. That’s useful, I thought to myself, I assume that we will need to do the “sniff test” to determine whether the trail had been set by Mummy’s boy or the local Poodle. He then went on about how the arrow shaped hole in the tin had corroded and so the shape of the arrows changed throughout the run. This was particularly true on this run because there was a force  nine gale blowing and the flour had largely blown away.

After Mummy’s boy vaguely gesturing the direction to start in we were off and running. Within the first 100 meters the flour trail had largely blown away but if you looked very carefully you could find microscopic quantities of flour wedged between the stones on the pavement. The problem was that blobs of bird poo looked almost identical to the trail marker and so for the rest of the run we all had to dip our fingers in run markers to tell whether it was dog poo, poo coloured flour, flour or bird shit. What a debacle!!

As I am not a Melbournite I can’t really tell you where the run went. At one stage we ran under the Citylink, through a few parks and towards the end of the run, with the aid of a map carried by Lotsafun, we circumnavigated the North Melbourne Footy Ground. I spent a bit of the run trotting along behind Danish Blue and Roo Dog who I had been told had superior navigational skills. That might be true if we had been trying to find our way to Tullarmarine or Heathrow airport but without the aid of GPS and airport beacons these two had less navigational ability than my wife…. and she is Vietnamese and can’t read the road signs.

As we had spent at least 30 minutes looking for lost trail it ended up being quite a long run and we arrived back at the Limerick Hotel after about an hour and 15 minutes running. The walkers, including GG were there but GG had to leave because he wasn’t feeling well. Apparently he was feeling dizzy, and he wasn’t alone, having gone around in ever decreasing circles for the last 75 minutes.

Mummy’s boy had obviously predicted that we would take an age to find our way back to the pub and ordered dinner late. By the time my bangers and mash arrived my stomach thought that my throat had been cut. The food was really good value and there was plenty of it, so full marks for the pub selection.

In the circle the GM called up visitors, Roodog, Danish Blue and Tripod and requested that Cooch give a run report. Cooch gave a scathing account of the run and awarded it the lowest score of 12 since the SOS wedding run in Barkly gardens. It was at this stage of the proceedings that I was co-opted to write the run report and was presented with a notebook and a pen which didn’t work. The GM was charged with providing the scribe with defective equipment and Lotsafun was charged with front running. (as she had the map of the run this was hardly surprising)

Other charges were laid on Astro (no run report), Cyclone (Not left yet), NickleB (3 times for false accusations), Tripod (for mot really being a visitor), Danish Blue (for being Scandanavian), Cooch, Mummy’s boy (for the coments made about the lewd 1997 album pics), Klingon ( for engaging in time travel) and Prince and General (for breathing or some other trivial offence)

Apparently, congratulations are due to Cyclone Tracey who completed her 100th run with LH3.

Finally there were a couple of very old “fart” jokes told by a couple of old farts to round off the evening. Don’t forget the Ballsup in October and the City to Sea Run whenever that is. Next week’s run is at the Curry King in Bridge Street. Each meal comes with guarantee that it will make you run faster. I would leave your dog at home Klingon!!!

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