Date: 22-Apr-15
Hare: Lethal
Venue: Packer Park, Carnegie
Before we took off, Lethal shared with us the history of Carnegie, the abridged version. He’d just got to the start of chapter 3 when the GM cut him off and sent the pack out on the run. The run was excellent and it went through Carnegie.
You know how there are no rules in hash? Well lately, several grizzling grizzled old Lakesiders have been complaining at the way greenhorn Lakesiders have been setting their runs. They say that newbies’ runs are too long, too short, too flat, too suburban, too bushy, too hilly, too dry, too wet, too many checks, insufficient checks, checks too round/oblong/ovoid……….. Instead of ignoring the complaining old codgers, we could turn that frown upside down. As I was taught by a conga line of overpriced management consultants when working at the Tax Office – a complaint is a gift!
Let’s not call it complaining. Let’s call it wisdom. We could channel that wisdom through the
‘Intergenerational Instructional Information Interface’, or 4 eyes. To be on the 4 eyes sub-committee you’d have to:
- Have hashed since before you were born.
- Have barnacles on your bunions.
- Have a deep seated belief that anyone who hasn’t hashed as long as you have, can’t possibly set a decent run and is in desperate need of your feedback.
4 eyes could decide what gives so that Intergenerational wisdom transference could be dispersed via Lakeside “elders” mentoring the less enlightened ones.
For example Cooch might say to young Cheesecake “Cheesecake, your on-backs are too long”. Cheesecake would reply “So Coochie, how long should my on-backs be?”. “Well” sez Cooch, “You know how long a piece of string is? Well that’s how long your on-backs should be”.
Or NickelB might suggest “Barbie’s Box, your on-backs are too short”. NickelB would then instruct Barbie’s that, having regard to run length, corner frequency, wind velocity, temperature and elevation.
Perhaps E&B might opine: “Lotsa Fun, you obviously don’t know the difference between checking and looking”. “What’s the difference between checking and looking?” replies a bewildered Lotsa. “Well” sez E&B, “looking involves head down, bum up, intensely scouring the ground for arrows. Whereas, checking involves head down, bum up, intensely scouring the ground for arrows. Now do you understand the difference?”
Eventually we should require all new Lakesiders to read a dissertation by Kokup on the good old days and to complete a Masters Thesis on “How to keep old farts happy through their Ageing Hash Journey” before being allowed to set a run.
After a scrummy dinner of Lethal’s home cooked chicken curry and rice, the GM called a circle.
Kokup gave the run report – there were lots of on-backs, u-turns, checks, parkland, shortcutting opportunities. An excellent run.
Codpiece gave the walk report – there were lots of lovely clear arrows, but the walkers nonetheless got lost. Should have been more walking, less talking. Awarded 43.5/50
Returnees
Aristokat and Codpiece.
Special Runs
Jaywalker x 16, E&B c 599
Charges
- Lethal the hare charged because he’s also Melb Mens’ GM and they turn 44 today. Their club is a drinking club with a walking problem.
- All GMs then had to have a down down.
- Lethal charged for his boring history lesson.
- Lotsa Fun charged for providing great food at Baw Baw.
- Punch for wanting the walkers to follow trail.
- Udder, Bloodsucker, Aristokat, Sweaty Box, Pointy – all charged for being Poms because tomorrow is St George’s Day, and because they like stilton cheese spread on digestive biscuits topped with jellied eels and washed down with warm beer.
- Deeper and Pointy for being from NZ which has a ponytail pulling PM.
- Sweaty for charging all the walkers for losing trail.
- NickelB, Klingon, Lotsa, Aristokat, Sweaty Box all charged for short cutting.
- Aristokat and Sweaty Box for coming to hash with wonky knees.
- NickelB and Lotsa for stopping at the salmon farm near MT Baw Baw.
- Blood Sucker for not paying attention.
- Udder for boring even the dogs.
- Deeper and Prickly Bush aka stand-in Cheesecake, for organising a great Baw Baw weekend.
- Lethal for being insecure about his GM’s jacket by thinking Cut Loose wanted to nick it.
- Pointy for leaving us for 2 months.
Scribe: Cheesecake