Run 902 Report

LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARIERS HASH TRASH

Run 902:   7 November, 2001      Basterfield  Park, Moorabin

Hare:                   Udder Idjit_________________________________

 

With E&B “working late” for the evening, a general shift in Committee duties ensued and I ended up as Hash Scribe.  In fact, it was a very un-Australian evening, with an African GM, a Welshman as Sergeant, Kiwis for grog-master/haberdash and hash cash/haberdash, and now an American twist to the Run Report, dude.  John Howard is right; this country is being overrun by dirty furreners.

And not to mention the general pomminess of the run!  Udder laid an angular trail through sub-urban Moorabin (a short distance from Ikea!)  full of streets, trees, parks, and more than one sports oval.  Visiting Tassie One-hump was right to point out the lack of friendliness in the local youth – Village of the Damned anyone?  The trains don’t even stop there, as your intrepid reporter discovered when he was dropped off three stops later in Cheltanham.

In any case, the pack made it safely back to the unfortunately named Bastard Field before the sun set.  Back at the grill we were treated to snausages and some funny smellin’ hamburgers.  At least most of us were.  Udder, surprisingly, was complaining about hashers pinching his buns and was just in time to reserve one salmon paté patty for Deep Throat before she was reduced to picking crispy bits off the grill.  There were, on the other hand, lots of CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM BARS to go around on a night that was, say, about 32 degrees Fahrenheit (you do the conversions; I told you it was an American version).

Well, the pack settled in around the waning warmth of the grill, the sodium lights shed their dismal glow on this huddled mass, the dogs circled and sodomised each-other, Gerbils stepped up to her post, and the charges began.  The pommy collusion began with visitor Circuit Breaker rating the run as “the best [Lakeside] run ever” and proceeded to give Udder one (not that he’d know what to do with it.)  Deep Throat then gave us a prolonged account of LSHHH Run #901.  I gathered from it that Shunt was lifting skirts in the shithouse and ended up with his merkin cemented to a wheel-barrow.  

Shunt and the other disgraced former GMs were brought out to wear it, and Gerbils called upon GG to test his memory and his lung capacity.  Both are holding up well under the assault of anno domini, though the hash was in sore need of a choirmaster.    Our poor visitors were almost as thick underfoot as the dogs.  One-Hump, Turd-Burglar, Sally, Circuit-Breaker and GBH stepped up for some delicious ‘Strine beer.  Irish called them all by name then was charged for paying attention.  With that, interim Sergeant IBM (so do I, every day if I’ve had my fibre) took charge.

Shunt was immediately called to the carpet for joining the unwashed hordes.  Point Post took one for rabbiting on about the salad and “other things”.  Sally came to the fore again for wanting “something else” from Udder.  Udder got it (not from Sally) for missing the punt on Cup Weekend, of all times.

One-hump regaled us with a tale of a Tasmanian wedding where the brother gave his sister away instead of marrying her.  Give her away!? After I saw her picture I was willing to pay OH at least 20 buckaroos for her. GBH earned a beer for being Welsh. Lechyd da and watch out for those sidewalks.  He also put in a good word for Interhash Cardiff.  Just remember that Welsh for beer is “cwrw”.  Can I buy a vowel?

At this point IBM caught the Turd Burglar not watching what was going on.  Fair ‘nuff.  The bloke was probably distracted by the sight of his dog humping anything that came close.  Klingon earned a down-down/chugalug/charge for taking part in NAB propaganda.  Circuit breaker was charged for eating bugs when there were so many better providers of protein standing around the circle.  Tangles drank for pinching his daughter’s Halloween loot and re-distributing it to the hash.  Any good karma gained from this Robin Hood-esque venture was quickly obviated by his jokes at the expense of Tasmanians and the visually-impaired (i.e. anyone dating a Tasmanian).  Deep Throat was soon growing myopic herself and didn’t notice Baarbaara standing about two feet from her.  She then demanded that Udder remove his top before demonstrating a command of nautical terminology that belied her familiarity with sailors…

We wrapped up by recognising Major Fuck-Up’s (Bl)oak’s Day outfit, and GG had what was possibly his first concise and funny charge… forgot what it was but it had something to do with piss.  With that, the pack dispersed into the misty sub-urban night.

 

On-on,

Too Dumb To Die

 

P.S.  Get your horoscope at http://www.theonion.com/onion3740/horoscopes_3740.html

Get your masturbation horror stories at

http://www.thestranger.com/current/savage.html

 

 

 

UPCUMMING RUNS…

 

 

Run 903           November 14   Prince                          Templestowe Hotel,

Parker St, Templestowe

                Melway: 33, B4

 

Run 904           November 21   ?                                  I am not privy to this information.  Check                                                                               the website.

 

UPCUMMING HASH EVENTS

Albury-Wodonga 1000th and Blue Moon Run.

Shelley Forestry Camp, Avendale Rd, Shelley via Murray Valley Highway, Nov 30 – Dec 2. $100 before Nov 1; $120 after it. BYO bedding. Contact Ian ‘Krunch-A’ Crellin (02) 6071-8577 or icc@albury.net.au

 

Mountain Goat Brewery Open Night

7 December 2001 (Pearl Harbor Day!)

Cheap plug, made cheaper by the fact that I will be winging my way to the land of opportunity by that point.  But no reason for you to stay at home!  $5 pints of Richmond’s only micro-brew, $2 snags, young (but legal) girls and boys, funky music, and the GM’s house is just a couple blocks away if you need a place to crash!

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