Lakeside Hash House Harriers
The drinking club with a running problem
Lakeside run on Wednesday nights starting at 6:30ish, usually within 10kms of the Melbourne CBD (Central Boozing District). Runs cost $2, the food costs $3 unless it is at a pub, and drinks cost $2. Visitors are always welcome – just show up and ask for a drink!
LAKESIDE HASH-HOUSE HARRIERS COMMITTEE 2002 – 2003
The Uncommitted
Grand Master in absentia
Mummies Boy (Phillip Edwards) Ph: 9479 1978
Sergeant @ Arms in absentia
Baa-baa-ra (Kevin Kitchingham) Ph: 0414 770 288
Hash Kash
Stuck -On (Wendy Guo) Ph: 9534 5495
Hash On-sex
Too Dumb to Die (Ian Morgan) Ph: 0439 944 945
Social Sex
Eggn Bacon Pie (Lorraine Gierck) Ph: 9421 1134
Trail Master
Cooch (Rowan Compagnoni) Ph: 9421 1134
Grog Master
Janus (Hugh Watts) Ph: 0419 698784
Religious advisor
Cheesecake (Elizabeth Kelly) Ph: 9521 8038
Web Master
The Boomerang (Jon Miller) Ph: 9523-1694
Hash Haberdashery
Lotsa Fun (Lai Fun) Ph: 9815-2363
Occasional Hash Flash
Shunt (Keith Ralph) Ph: 9570 4689
Honorary Hash Horn
IBM (Martin Evans) Ph: 0401-147-796
Checkin Chicken and Acting GM
Udder Idjit (David Cheeseman) Ph: 0414 716 382
LSH3 Email all@lakesidehash.asn.au
Web Site www.LakesideHash.asn.au
Hash Trash contact jsbibm@pacific.net.au
LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS HASH TRASH
Run 958 27/11/02 St Andrews Day Run
Venue: Richmond
Hare: E&B
In 1650 the Scottish general David Leslie suffered a disastrous rout at the hands of Oliver Cromwell. The victorious English took nearly 10,000 Scottish prisoners. On Cromwells orders, Sir Arthur Haselrigge of Newcastle forced 5,000 of the Scottish POWs to march 120 miles in eight days with little food from Dunbar through Berwick, Morpeth, and Newcastle, to Durham. Any who tried to escape, any who fell behind, any who became sick were shot. Some 1500 Scots died on the march.
When the main body of the pack returned from last Wednesdays Durham Death March re-enactment, nearly 1 hour and 45 minutes after starting out, we found Cooch loudly denying any involvement with it. He had attempted to curb E&Bs enthusiasm, but she shrugged him off, shouting “No such thing as too long” as she set off into the hills above Yarra Bend.
Most of us only had ourselves to blame, though. After a loop around the back streets of Richmond (set for no other apparent purpose than to tack another 2-3 km onto the run) the pack crossed trail somewhere near the poetically named State School No. 2987 and found itself quickly closing in on the on-in. Ever so foolishly we spurned the sloth and gluttony promised within the back garden of 115 Buckingham Street and set out again.
The sound of a lonely piper beckoned the pack ever onwards past acres of beer at the CUB brewery (Tangles and Shunt last sighted wandering dazed amongst the kegs, past the mighty cascade at Dights Falls, and through the gums at Yarra Bend. However, finding no grog at any of these places the pack was just as quickly driven away by the pipers incessant squealing.
It was only at the apex of Walmer Street that a bedraggled group of Short Cutting Bastards found a drink stop to quench their parched throats. Surprisingly enough, every hasher had just enough energy left to abuse the hare in between gulps of shandy before staggering downhill towards the on-in.
Unlike those stalwart men of Durham, the survivors could look forward to an adequate repast. A slightly more comprehensible version of the Haggis Pome was read before the ravening mob attacked their plates. E&B had cunningly designed the run to whip us into enough of a hunger to actually eat haggis. There was nought but a skin left before long. Mash, mash, and snags rounded out the Scotto-Australian feast.
When the keen-edged bite of famine had been dulled, Udder brought the circle to disorder. Lipstick was called forward to roundly chastise the hare amid bloodthirsty calls for vengeance.
Visitors Jane and Taxem, returnees Wings, Downsizing, Dominic, and Deeper had a drink, along with virgin Stuart. Father, Cooch, and Norman admitted to some Scottish heritage and got a drink for their trouble. Clueless lassies Taxem and Shagadelic were given some brain juice.
Australian multiculturalism was set back a decade or two as Tangles inflicted his “dago shoes” joke on obliging Dominic. The latter had his revenge by inflicting a joke that apparently had something to do with spaghetti and viagra. You had to be there; it was all in the delivery. Stuckon gave us a name, Deeper slagged off Boomers website and the circle dissolved into chaos. At some point Whippet walked off with the whisky.
And now for our first installment of
TALES OF A SCOTTISH ENGINEER!
Having been too long among the locals in Jordan, our hero was in the habit of leaving automotive safety in the hands of Allah rather than buckling up. Such it was that he ended up protruding halfway through the windshield of a crumpled Renault in Amman.
Though the ambulance drivers were kind enough to scoop up the bloody infidel, they couldnt find a hospital willing to take him off their hands. Having been rebuffed at every hospital in the capital they finally deposited him in the parking lot of a military infirmary, despite having been told that no one but Jordanian soldiers could be admitted.
He waited there for nearly four hours, staring at the desert stars, before an orderly came out to collect him. The surgery was rudimentary and came in unexpected bursts. It wasnt particularly comprehensive either, as bits of windshield glass would continue to occasionally burst from his skin for years afterward.
Travel the world. Meet interesting people. Build things. The SCOTTISH ENGINEERS!
On-On
TDTD
UPCUMMING RUNS
Date Run Number Hare Venue Melways Et Cetera 3/12/02 959
Western Suburbs HHH AGM
WSHHH Committee Station Hotel Cnr. Napier and Hyde Sts, Footscray 42 D5 THIS IS A TUESDAY RUN WITH A 7:00 START! $10 for food and run 11/12/02 960
“Coburg Challenge”
Remover La Paella Spanish Restaurant, 217 Sydney Road, Brunswick 29 G9 $12 por comida 18/12/02 961 SBD Gasworks Park, Richardson St, Port Melbourne 2J H7 Virgin hare!! 25/12/02 962
X-mas Run
Santa Claus North Pole Ho ho ho.
Other Events
When What Where Melways Et Cetera 14/12/02 Lakeside Xmas Party Dennis Trattoria, 21 Bond Street, CBD (off Flinders St between Queen and Elizabeth) Santa will be there for all to enjoy $40 and bring a $5 Kris Kringle 6 pm drinks, 7 pm dinner Contact E&B on gierckie@tpg.com.au for more info