LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS HASH TRASH
Run 995 06 Aug 2003
Venue: – 11 Muswell Hill, Pointpost
Hare: – Glen Iris
Look, lets face it, you know exactly what youre in for on one of Glens runs the same old trot around the same old upper class (and upper bleedin nother hill) suburb of Pointpost, followed by convivial bonhomie in the cellar (aka the wooden dungeon) that is Glens basement, followed by an appearance of the traditional tasty “Pizza de Signori Iris” (fresh from the upstairs oven that none of us have ever managed to find), followed by the appearance of the usual most agreeable slice of Battenberg from Glens cake tin. Thats exactly what we have come to expect and exactly what we come to the suburb of Pointpost (or Pointy in estate agent jargon) for.
So who was the twerp with the bandages on both arms (claiming to be drained of blood but in all likelihood pumped full of pre-run performance enhancing drugs) that ruined the whole thing by, post run, plying the assembled multitudes with more Bertie Basset Liquorices Allsorts and Slippery Sydneys stellar snakes than their bodies could humanly stand prior to the pizzas appearance ? Result was that crowd was stuffed FTB (full t brim), stuffed even more after the pizza, and then supine for the remainder of the evening. Bastard ! Your humble scribe is still waddling and doing snake-flavoured botty burbs the following lunchtime.
And the night had started oh so promisingly as hardly any of the committee had turned up so the GM was offering “favours” to those willing to “do a job for her” later on in the evening. A small but incredibly well proportioned pack assembled for the off with assurance from Glen that the pizza “was in the oven upstairs and my cheesy bits are sizzling boys”, and that either the upcoming run or the GM was flat, short, and basically the same as last time (well, one out of two proved to be accurate). We went left and right for about half an hour, up and down hills, being led by Cooch and Bloody (Bloody who ?) everywhere. I stopped for a second to admire the view only to have Lottsa (resplendent with new hash-cash funded haircut) crash into me from behind. The pleasure was all mine. A small band of walkers (yes, spellcheck is working) followed GG who “knew the way” whilst the rest of the pack sped ahead, through parks, over 2 Freeway bridges (The Bridges of Maddison Pointy ?), away from home when we were almost back there, round the park over the road and home via an arc (arc ! arc ! Bloody seagulls).
Post scoff and glug, Cooch, caught unawares, rated the run a 28 and described it in the way a chap would describe the worst blow-job hed ever had – factually and, despite the disappointment, with a modicum of enthusiasm in his voice. Glen was taken away with Bloodhound the visitor (or in Stuckon takeawayspeak Brudhead) amidst numerous charges that poured forth from the GM and standing standin Sarge Udder to assault the seated masses. Plugger had reached 50 (runs one assumes), and got charged with all GGs walkers (spellcheck still working then). Udder charged Glen for run and tucker predictability, Bovine for tempting kiddies with sweeties, Rolf for being trivial, Mummys Boy for becoming Chancellor of Vice (Learned Dr Boy, he has letters after his name and not all of them complementary), Astro for being down at heel, and the 2 Simons for being bloody somethings. Who said Udder had no imagination ? Stuckon again showed her translation skills and Bovine when taken away morphed into “Bunda beera”. And why not ? The world needs more bunda beeras than it has today.
Learned Dr MBoy, A.R.S.O.L, showed how he got the promo at work with an satirical, witty, and brain bending charge about footy kits on Cockup and Astro (is this what we pay our taxes for ?). Professor Boy (Emeritus AHol) then regaled Klingon with the golden boot of hash to present to GG on occasion of his 500th run (despite the fact the poor old buzzard is nearer 700 no idea how many runs hes actually done). The boot looked magnificent and many on Lakeside commented how GG should have been given this years ago so clearly he must be nearer 700 runs than 500 after all. Finally Plugger gratefully accepted Glen Iriss 50th run collage in the presence of both his son and father. There was just time to draw the raffle and watch Lottsa win first prize of a hash T-shirt (2nd prize was 2 hash Tshirts etc etc) before we all revvd up and phuqed orf only to have to do it all again next week in leafy Sandringham.
On, ye noble bacons, On !
IBM